Going Back to Therapy
Hello sweet humans. Mandy here. I wanted to get a little personal today and share some hard experiences I had during 2020.
If there’s anything this pandemic has taught us it’s how important our health is and with that, our mental health. I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but the level of panic and anxiety that 2020 brought (and still is for many) definitely stirred up a lot of shit inside of me. This was without realizing it till it we were months in, most of those feelings centered around my past. Feelings and fears that I thought I had mended. Many of which I didn’t even recognize lived inside of me. All of that unsettled past trauma morphed into regular panic attacks and an extremely painful GERD that I could not shake. After months of trying everything I could think of to feel better, I finally owned up to the fact that I couldn’t heal this alone and that it was time to go back to therapy. This time I knew I needed more than just to talk it out. I needed someone who could help remove this garbage that was living inside me. I went through a couple of therapist that ended up not feeling right for me which led me to finding the right person. Together we dove into my Epigenetics - the study of family trauma passed down through DNA. We’re also doing Somatic work as well as EMDR, all of which I have found to be vital in healing my PTSD. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy or that I’ve felt like a new person over night. It’s honestly incredibly hard and even scary at times to bring regressed memories to the surface. But I feel that if I don’t deal with these things head on, they will eat me up one day.
I’ve been back in therapy for about 6 months and I’m really happy to say that it’s been a few months since I’ve had a panic attack or pain in my stomach, chest or throat, as the GERD seems to of disappeared. I’m certain prioritizing my mental health is the only reason I was able to achieve this. If you are in need, I hope you can be kind to yourself too and connect with someone whether it’s a friend, a family member or a therapist.
If you take anything away from this, I hope it’s the understanding that you can’t always do everything on your own. That learning to trust both yourself and others is so powerful. Believe me, I’ve been smacked in the face over and over again with this lesson until it sunk in.
It’s no secret that therapy can be very expensive so I want to share some services that I’ve found and/or worked with over the years that are free or sliding scale.
- Access Institute for Psychological Services
- Center for Somatic Psychotherapy
- Integral Counseling Center
Out of Area
- Open Path - This is where I found my current therapist. It’s a listing of therapists all over that you can connect with.
- https://myusf.usfca.edu/dean-of-students/ocrs/sliding - This is a great resource also, with many more great options
All my love, Mandy